Damn! I Knew Those Tickets Were Too Cheap!

I thought I grabbed this image a few days ago from a website collidingworlds.com but it seems I cannot find that site now so if this is your image let me know so I can provide apropriate attribution - thanks.

This Is What Happens When You Fart In A Smart Car

The picture says it all! This picture is all over the place with many sites adding their own logo and tag lines implying they are the originator. Me; I have no idea where it came from - if you know let me know so I can provide proper attribution. Thanks

So I Am Not Dumb After All?

At the beginning of the month I wrote about a survey which had conluded that I, along with the majority of people, as an Internet Explorer user was of "below average intelligence". Despite being carried by many major media outlets including CNN, the BBC, CNET, Forbes and Mashable to name but a few it turns out that the report was in fact a hoax. Among the many reports that the report was a hoax the Sophos "Naked Security" blog explains it best.

The paradox here is that while I postulated that I was not in fact a dumb *** and was not convinced that the report was valid the very fact that I was taken in by the hoax in and of itself could be seen to challenge my intelligence and that of everyone else taken in by the reported survey. So arguing that I was not a dumb *** proved that I was? Go figure!

British "Arts" & "Culture" - Simply The Best

I have never had the greatest affinity for the classical arts and "culture". I do however find that the odd operatic performance can be quite moving; a top rate performance of Nessun Dorma would be a great example. Paul Potts BGT audition version on YouTube has over 80 million hits so I guess I am not alone there though I have to say personally I prefer Pavarotti with a mere 12 million hits [but man oh man is the maestro badly in need of a trip to the barber shop]; check out the tone in his voice at a minute 26 and the power and duration of the final notes. You might want to check out his Ave Maria as well once the video ends.

Having said that the idea of sitting though a whole opera puts me in mind of sitting on the back patio and watching the weeds grow - there are things I would prefer to do. Ballet does nothing for me; I can accept that the dancers are probably supreme athletes but honestly, effeminate men in tights prancing about like nancy boys and heavily muscled women that would be more at home in a music box. I don't think so. Perhaps the symphony, not really. Like opera there are snippets of classical music that can be very stirring but in my world music is for listening to while doing something else not for watching [anyone for the back patio again]. Maybe art galleries; heck no. The art world is a complete mystery to me; paintings that look like the subject I can appreciate at times but get into Picasso like stuff that a chimp could have done or the "modern art" world of piles of bricks or plastic water bottles and you have lost me completely.

So is there a cultural or "arts" medium that can melt the philistine heart of the Grumpy Old Limey? Despite being a British expat I cannot say there is anything from the old country that I genuinely miss but if I was forced to pick a few things I could get into then I have to confess I would probably return to my roots for some real "culture".

What could I possibly be referring to - check it out after the jump!

Dressed Up Dogs & Eating Broccoli? [Video]

A couple of fun animal videos I came across. The first is just a compilation of dressed up dogs. Don't choose to do it to our dogs and frankly some look plain miserable about the whole thing but, after all that, I have to say some of them are prettyb darn funny. And the second video. Well lets just say I don't eat broccoli a whole lot but when I do I definately don';t eat it like that. Enjoy. Oh and there's a new cat themed video over on the Stange Youtube Videos page. I am just all about animals today it seems but I hope you noticed - no cows!

One Man's Very Very Very Lucky Day [Video]

And on a lighter note check out this guy. Talk about having a guardian angel looking over your shoulder. I figure he had the whole heavenly host working on his behalf this day. It's a military funeral [Polish I think] and he is one of the soldiers firing off the gun salute. He is standing on the front row of two, third from the left in the front row. The guy in the back behind him aims a little low and actually shoots the hat off his head. Talk about a close call.

Another Dumb Law & The Kangacoon [Picture]

So Virginia law contains the following:

http://leg1.state.va.us/000/cod/29.1-521.HTM
§ 29.1-521. Unlawful to hunt, trap, possess, sell or transport wild birds and wild animals except as permitted; exception; penalty.
A. The following shall be unlawful:
1. To hunt or kill any wild bird or wild animal, including any nuisance species, with a gun, firearm or other weapon on Sunday, which is hereby declared a rest day for all species of wild bird and wild animal life, except raccoons, which may be hunted until 2:00 a.m. on Sunday mornings.

Personally I am not much for hunting; I have not the remotest idea why anyone would take pleasure in inflicting suffering on another creature human or otherwise [though if I have ever come close it is humans who would drive me to violence rather than animals]. I can understand the need to keep vermin down under some circumstances; I can also accept someone living off the land and hunting for food but killing just for the sake of it - I say wtf.

But enough of that; this is not meant to be a lecture or rant about hunting though one may come one day - it is more about what the heck did the poor old Raccoon do to Virginia and what lunatic politicians with nothing better to do pen some of the ridiculous laws that are out there anyway. Oh and I think the picture above is a Raccoon - or maybe somekind of cross breed - a Kangaccoon?

The State of Virginia gives a day off to animals on Sunday, they cannot be hunted. Personally if I am under threat of death I could care less what day it is. The fact that I am not going to get massacred on Sunday is not much help when I know come Monday morning they are going to be after me with a vengeance. Either allow hunting or not but to say it's OK but not on Sunday - are you sure?

And then we get to the poor old Raccoon - everyone gets a break Sunday except the Raccoon - why? And what happens at 2:00 a.m. Sunday's that the rule changes - it is OK to stay up until 1:00 a.m. to attack Raccoons but at to do so at 2:15 a.m. no way - that would be a bad thing. It seems to me that allowing whoever created that law into the Virginia Legislature was also a bad thing. It would have been more appropriate to "allow" them into the local "nuthouse"

At least this little guy found somewhere to hide :)

The Old Fella Rod Gregory AGT [Video]

So while we are on the Australia's Got Talent track there is a retired farmer by the name of Rod Gregory aka "The Old Fella" who is still in the running to get to the Grand Final. His stand up comedy is, shall we say, a little smutty and apparently his material has been cleaned up a lot just to get it past the aussie "censors" but he is pretty darn funny nonetheless and the wifey thinks he is absolutely hilarious [listen for the "turtle" joke in the second video]. All three of his performances from Australia's Got Talent are here starting with his original audition through the semi-finals and ending up with the performance in the finals that hopefully will see him voted through to the Grand Final. This is one funny guy.

The Audition



The Semi-Finals



The Finals

Optimistic Weather App - Tomorrow Will Be Perfect

I have no idea what the weather is like where you are but I can tell you it is getting somewhat tiresome here. Mowing the yard at the weekends is like running on the spot in a sauna. I can work up a hefty sweat sitting on the patio at 10 o'clock at night and doing nothing more energetic than hammering another nail in my coffin by smoking a cigarette. The last water bill I got was pretty large - who knows what the next one will be but after investing time and money in the yard you can't let it die. And there seems to be little respite on the way - check out the 10 day forecast for lovely Dallas, TX [and I even got one in Celsius for all the limeys out there - darn those Europeans, when I lived back in the old country it was still Fahrenheit there too].





So anyway I got to thinking how nice it will be when there is a day the weather forecaster says it’s going to only be 90 tomorrow, or that it's going to rain [and I mean more than a 10% chance], or that there is going to be a nice refreshing breeze - any change would be something to look forward to. I am not sure what I was browsing for or how I got there but I happened upon a cool weather app [for Android] that basically gives you a better weather forecast or, more accurately, flat out lies to you. Check it out here.

Now, I guess when you got to tomorrow you could be disappointed, you might even be a tad irritated and possibly the more frenzied in nature among us might feel an irresistable urge to smash that indispensable mark of our technological advancement - the cell phone. Me I think perhaps it might not actually be such a bad idea. I am going to be pissed at the weather anyway once it gets here so if I can actually have a happy 24 hours in advance looking forward to the weather I want - well; could that be such a bad thing?

Obviously this app is British; the "little white lie" is that it is going to be warm and sunny tomorrow. It is for the Android market - I of course have an iPhone [and it is my employer that chooses the iPhone for us - I am actually not much of an Apple/ Mac person]. So I need some adjustments. I need an app for the iPhone and I need one that is going to forecast something like "tomorrow's high will be in the upper 70's with a light rain for a while in the afternoon and a gentle breeze all day".

So - come on all you iPhone app developers - have at it - you have at least one guaranteed sale.

A Few Too Many At The Wedding [Video]

I have seen my fair share of drunks and, though it is distant history now, I have also had my fair share of hangovers and blurred recollections. I ran pubs back in the old country for many years and also a nightclub just outside London for a while - alcohol was the name of the game. It paid the bills but it was also the cause of every bit of trouble and stress in my life. All that pales in comparison to granny here - if ever there was a reason not to drink .. or maybe a reason not to go to weddings ... or maybe a reason not to do either ... it is this lady who is most definitely the worse for wear.

Epic Fail - Pug & A Hard Floor [Video]

Ouch - the poor Pug who made such a mess of its leap onto a table got up and seemed fine though not too interested in having another go; the breed obviously has a hard head because he/she sure hit the floor with a thump.

And - since we are on a dog theme this evening [I know, you are all asking yourselves what happened to the cows] how about this one featuring a young enthusiastic puppy and a close encounter of the third kind with a frisbee - note doubt he/she will get the hang of it in the end. Love the slo-mo.

W3N2ZTRHKGQD - Technorati Verification Code

Roy Williams Proposal - The Audio [Soundbyte]

So Roy Williams is making the news again. Not a Cowboys fan? Roy is commonly thought of as an overpaid underperforming wide out with a penchant for putting his foot in his mouth. Me; I agree. This week he is making the news for something other than football; his sense of romanticism.

Roy has set the tongues a wagging and tickled many a funny bone with his wedding proposal. Now men - we are all romantics yes? We all came up with that wonderful, one off and unique marriage proposal yes? Any way like all good men Roy tried to come up with his own thing. What was it? Proposal by video - heck he could not even get up the nerve to do it face to face! Apparently he says that she had been saying the mail is always bad so he figured he would send some good mail - a video marriage proposal, a $76,000 dollar ring and - get this - $5000 so she could pay her bills. Marry me for my money anyone? Roy is quite the talk of the town following this story breaking and mostly the comments are none too positive.

Now it is not easy being grumpy. It's not I promise. You are sadly misunderstood by everyone and you just want to be a bouncing bundle of happiness and fun. Yeah right. Anyway I listen to 105.3 The Fan on the way into work and they do manage to lighten the mood of a Grumpy Old Limey sometimes. They did so today with a parody of what the Roy Williams audio might be and I thought I would share it. If you are not in the US, don't like the Cowboys or think American Football makes even less sense than cricket this may pass you by; if it does apologies. Click play and give the audio a minute to start up, takes a little to load up.

Speaking Of Cows - Again????

What can I say, no matter where I go in the vast expanse of YouTube and no matter what odd search parameters I use I always seem to end up with cows. I guess destiny and fate got together and came up with some weird obscure [and perhaps a little worrying] plan for me.

Anyway nevermind what the future might have in store for me right now for your viewing pleasure that always fascinating combination of bovines and music.

Can Anyone Say Elmo? [Video]

No need to say anything about this one. Enjoy!

How To Lose Weight - The 'Limey Way!

So I was cutting the grass this last weekend. We have a corner lot and a lot of grass. On a hot Texas summer day [it was about 100 as it is most days at the moment]. So I am covered in sweat by the time I am a quarter of the way through. I can lose anything up to about 4 lb's doing this at this time of the year. Made me think about weight loss and then the Grumpy Old Limey Diet Plan.

It is a highly exclusive, full time, four phase, residential program; there are only two places available at any one time [we only have two spare rooms]. The only costs are the cost of getting to Dallas and the cost of food. The program goes something like this and will help you lose weight and possibly help make The Grumpy Old Limey a little less grumpy along the way:

• Fly to Dallas and move into The Grumpy Old Limey residence.
• Do all the food shopping. This is useful for three reasons:
• You begin to learn what you should and should not buy
• It is hot out there and carrying all those grocery bags burns a few calories
• It saves The Grumpy Old Limey from having to do it
• Do all the cooking. This is useful for three reasons:
• You begin to learn what to cook and what not to cook
• You sweat a lot which helps lose weight because the A/C is up to save The Grumpy Old Limey some money
• It saves The Grumpy Old Limey from having to do it
• Do all the washing up. No fancy reasons for this one - I just plumb don't like doing it - oops did I say that? It's activity - any activity burns calories and so helps lose weight - that's it yes.
• Do all the yard work. This is the mainstay of the program. In the Texas summer work outdoors is great for controlling weight. Cutting the grass, weeding, watering, and rounding up all the leaf litter and so on [there is a blower but doing that but by hand will help the weight more than using the blower]. All of these things will use calories and have you sweating and,  what's more, they will save The Grumpy Old Limey doing it.

OK everyone don't rush at once. The phone lines are open now!!

OK so perhaps it is not the best diet plan ever and I doubt there will be many [any] takers. However on a more serious note those who know me will know that a couple of years ago I did lose a bunch of weight that I have subsequently managed to keep off. Losing weight can be extraordinarily difficult. I wrote an article about the things that helped me lose weight over on InfoBarrel. There may be a tip or two there that just might help you lose that weight you have been trying to get rid of for so long so if you want to find out what worked for me just head on over to the article on InfoBarrel.

Inside The Egg [Picture]

Not much time today; a busy day at work. Just time to post this little pic I came across the other day. Never thought about it - must be pretty boring in there eh?

Epic Fails - Dog's Mess Up Too [Video]

More on the thread of "Epic Fails". We all know people mess up; it seems to be part of our nature but hey - what is life without a good laugh anyway. It seems the animal kingdom has its share of klutz's too. A selection of somewhat embarrassing dog moments for your viewing pleasure [do dogs get embarrassed?]

We all know a dog that just loves to feel the wind in it's hair. Car window anyone? Just remember to keep it closed enough so they can't jump out.

This guy has absolutely no intention of swimming today. Fate seems to have other ideas.



Why is this damn chair so big? Or maybe it is just me? They do say you have to recognise your own problems before you can address them. Maybe I need to join SDA [Small Dogs Anonymous].



All this "doggy stuff". Let the cats have a say.

Epic Fail - Couple Of Cars & A Cow [Video]

Epic fails for your amusement. Sometimes things just don't go the way they were planned!

Not the best parking attempt ever but hey, it's OK, there's no one about so just act like nothing happened and go try another parking lot. Shame about that video camera.

Maybe this was a badly judged attempt at a u-turn and not a parking attempt at all?



It isn't only humans that are subject to odd "Epic Fail"; sometimes animals have a bad day too! OK I know - it's another cow video - what can I say; for some unknown reason the other day I searched for cow videos. An aging and somewhat idiosyncratic brain is my only excuse.

The Old Fella - AGT Aussie Style [Video]

Stand up comedy is notorious for being one of the harder forms of entertainment. One retired Aussie farmer showed he still has it on the Australia's Got Talent semi-finals.

$100M ATM Receipt. If Only! [Video]

Only time I will ever see this that's for sure!