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Monday, June 27, 2011

What If God Took A Mulligan?

Most commonly used in relation golf Merriam Webster defines "mulligan" as follows:

So basically what we have is, for want of a better description, a do-over. I was out weeding the yard yesterday; Texas summer, hot as hell and not a whole lot of fun. Seems like a never ending task. Pull the last weed at the far end and it seems like the first one pulled has already poked its pesky little head up again. “Nature does not conform” as I like to say. For some reason it set me to thinking what might God change if He “took a Mulligan” or perhaps more accurately what would I have God change if He “took a Mulligan”?

Now before the flaming starts I recognize that spiritual beliefs and perception of/belief in God are very personal things. There are probably as many different views as there are people to hold them. I mean no insult to anyone’s belief system or to God; whoever or whatever you may perceive Him to be. All I figured was why not take a slightly irreverent and light hearted look at some things that might be considered for a do-over - after all God created us and he gave us a sense of humor; in my estimation that makes it highly likely that He has a sense of humor too.

So check out my top five do-over wishes after the jump.


Faith is a mainstay of religion. God does not reveal Himself to us mere mortals; we have to have faith in His existence. Why? Why not reveal Himself and/or prove His existence? History shows us that more wars have been fought in the name of religion than for any other reason. If God were to “come out of the closet” as it were presumably there would be no more doubt as to His existence or His wishes. Since everyone would “know” God and His wishes surely the primary reason for mankind fighting wars would have gone in an instant and in my book that would be an extremely good thing.


I hate getting my hair cut – why does the darn hairdresser always want to talk to you – just keep quiet and cut my hair. Anyway as man has evolved over eons our bodies have had less and less hair. It just takes a huge long time for the changes to kick in – evolution is really really slow. Presumably in time we will lose all of it. Don’t need it to keep warm anymore though perhaps we will retain it so we don’t get sunburned on the top of the head [and yes the rest of it can go]. However me, I would have it so we were all bald [and we still did not get sunburned on the top of the head]. Now you might argue a lot of us would just look plumb ugly. Well not necessarily; it would be the norm and what we were all used to. Perception of what looked good would be different. As for how to stop the sunburn; no idea but this is God we are talking about.


New born human babies are totally incapable of looking after themselves; more so than the young of just about any other species on the planet. We take much longer to get to “independent” status than other species. A bad design? Why have a system that needs diapers and people to change then? Ughh is all I can say; never done it, never plan to. Why not have babies born already potty trained? For that matter why not have them pop into this world already speaking? That would be infinitely preferable to that awful screaming sound they make when they hurt or just want something. If they could speak they could communicate without assaulting the eardrums which would have made my flight back from DC the other day a whole heck of a lot more pleasant. I could go on but I won’t.


The food that is good for you tastes bad and the food that is bad for you tastes really good. Most of us put weight on really easily and struggle mightily to get it off. Surely a redesign of food is in order here. Make the good stuff taste good AND have the right nutrients, low fat and so on and make the stuff that is bad for you taste bad. Better still just make all food good for you; that way everyone could stuff their faces with Italian, BBQ, burgers and chocolate cake every day, still have a six pack and live to be 100 years old.


The genesis of this somewhat obscure thread. As I said earlier “nature does not conform”. I weed a flower bed, the weeds come back. I weed it again; they come back again. Surely that’s a flawed system? It is obvious I don’t want the weeds; why can’t they stay away when I pull them. Moreover the plants I do want don’t conform either. They die because it is too cold in the winter, or they need more water, or they need less water, or it is too hot in the summer, or the soil is not right, or I did not talk to them just right and on and on. Some would say it is my fault; I buy the wrong plants or I don’t look after them right or I plant them in the wrong sort of soil or I yelled at them when they did not flower just when I expected them to. Perhaps; but I say why make it so hard. I spend good money on them and it’s a pain when they just up and die on me. Make it so that if I like a Hibiscus of a particular color and I buy one it works and grows and blooms even if I do forget to water it sometimes. I know I know – ridiculous. Everything is interlinked; one species depends on another and so on and so on. You can’t remake it all. You will mess up the delicate ecological balance of the planet. Change one thing and everything will break [what is it they say – “The Butterfly Effect”]. Well may I remind you this is God here – He can do anything even if we cannot see how it all works including changing the ecological balance that He built in the first place.

That’s my top five – wonder what yours would be?


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